


Self Actualized

by CarolinesEcho (shopgirl152)



Category: Glee
Genre: Advice from best friends, Best Friends, Bravery, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Male-Female Friendship, Meditation, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Rachel Berry in love, Saying I Love You, Two Shot, being in love, mantra, reciting a mantra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 14:52:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19793182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shopgirl152/pseuds/CarolinesEcho
Summary: She chose me. She could have chosen anyone, but she chose me.Through meditation and an encouraging pep talk from Kurt, Rachel realizes her potential and takes the next step in her relationship with Quinn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Back in 2011, I posted a glee fanfic on fanfiction.net called Relationship Advice. It starts with Rachel meditating and giving herself a mantra. At the time, I had never meditated, so it was quick sentence or two. However, I've been meditating for a few months now, so I wanted to rewrite the story. Not just to flesh out the meditation part, but to flesh it out a little more in general. So the first chapter is a bit gratituous, but I hope you guys enjoy the story.

"Okay, I can do this. Shouldn't be to hard." Rachel unrolled a yoga mat, taking a deep breath in and holding it before assuming the lotus position. "Deep breath in...deep breath out..." she exhaled. "Spine straight, body in a comfortable position...lips slightly parted..."

She closed her eyes. "Hands at your sides or in your lap. Focus on your breathing. Acknowledge your thoughts and let them pass. You're not going to think about Quinn."

Deep breath in.

_Or the fact that she's on vacation and you haven't seen her in a week._

A muscle twitched.

Exhale.

_Four...more...days. You'll see her in...four...more...days..._

Inhale.

Exhale.

"I am relaxed. I am calm. I am definitely not thinking about Quinn."

Inhale.

Exhale.

"Four...more..days. I'll see her in...four...more...da....."

Rachel began to drift, memories of Quinn washing over her.

_"But, why me? You could have chosen anyone, but you chose me. Why?"_

_"I think you're cute."_

_"I can't possibly be cute."_

_"Oh but you are."_

A faint smile danced on Rachel's lips.

_She chose me. She thinks I'm cute. She could have chosen anyone, but she chose...me..._

_Me._

_Me._

The word hung, repeating itself like a broken record.

_Rest. No more thoughts. Just be. You are relaxed._

"I am so relaxed..." Rachel's head dropped onto her chest, her mouth falling open as the world melted away.

_It's so peaceful here..._

"Rachel? Can I come in?" Soft knocking. "Rachel?"

Her eye twitched.

_Deep breath in. Deep breath out..._

"Rachel, what are you doing?"

A soft puff of air escaped her lips as the world came back into focus. "Four...more...days. I'll see her in four...more...days..." the world became soft and blurry.

"Is this a new yoga chant or something?"

Rachel opened her eyes, exasperated. "No Kurt, it's not a yoga chant. It's a self imposed mantra that I have given myself."

"Do tell." Kurt gleefully skipped over to the yoga mat and sat down, staring at Rachel with rapt attention.

"With Quinn on vacation, I have to do something to occupy my mind. I started meditating and--"

"Say no more. The many days mantra is a familiar one. I've used it myself whenever Blaine has an out of state concert."

"Oh."

Kurt smiled. "It's okay you know. To miss someone that much."

"I know." Rachel uncurled herself from the lotus position. "I just wish I didn't miss her so much. It's like...when she's not here, I crave her. I crave everything about her; her smile, her laugh, the way she looks at me, the feel of her body pressed against mine when we're lying in bed or even something so simple as when she hugs me. I don't just miss her Kurt; I miss all of her. It's terrible."

"Why is it terrible?"

"Because it makes me sound needy." Kurt raised a brow. "Yes, I know I can be a little... _needy_ , at times, but...I'm an independent woman Kurt! I shouldn't have to distract myself with meditation to keep from missing her!"

"You're in the throes of love. It's a beautiful thing."

"I am not in love with Quinn!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you blushing?"

Rachel growled. "I hate your perception."

He chuckled."My perception? Rachel, everybody knows you're in love with Quinn. We knew it when we were in high school and we still see it everytime you two are together. It's amazing it took the two of you this long to start dating." Rachel blinked at him. "In fact..." he smirked. "I'm surprised _Jacob Ben Israel_ , now tabloid reporter, hasn't posted the news on his website."

"I paid him off."

"When?"

"He came to a show one night. Wanted the inside scoop."

"Ah. So the truth comes out then."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Kurt, what am I going to do?"

"Tell her you love her and you miss her."

"I can't tell her that!"

"Why not? You're dating her, aren't you?"

Rachel chewed her bottom lip. "Yes. But we've never actually said...you know...the words." Her voice dropped to a whisper.

"Seriously Rachel? You've been together two years and you haven't told her I love you yet?"

"What if she rejects me?"

"Quinn has had plenty of time to reject you. If she wasn't interested, she would have walked away."

"I guess that's true..."

"I know it's true." Kurt clasped her hand in his, giving it a squeeze. "Five days from now you're going to go over to her apartment and tell her you love her."

"Okay."

He hugged her. "Go get her Barbara." He released her, standing up and turning to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Rachel asked.

"I'm going to meet Blaine for coffee. It's been a busy week and we haven't had the chance to see each other. I'll leave you to your meditating."

"Bye," Rachel said. She smiled before turning her attention to the yoga mat. "One more session couldn't hurt." She curled her legs back into the lotus position, placing her hands at her sides. "Deep breath in...deep breath out..." she exhaled. "Spine straight, body in a comfortable position...lips slightly parted..."

She closed her eyes. "Hands at your sides or in your lap. Focus on your breathing. Acknowledge your thoughts and let them pass."

Deep breath in. Hold.

Deep breath out. Hold.

"I am deeply relaxed. I become more relaxed with every breath I take."

Inhale.

Exhale.

"I am deeply relaxed. I become more relaxed with every breath I take."

Inhale.

Exhale.

"Four...more..days. I'll see her in...four...more...days--wait." Rachel opened her eyes as she shifted into a more comfortable position. "No. I need a new mantra. One with a purpose." She smiled as she closed her eyes. "I will tell Quinn I love her. I won't be afraid. I will tell Quinn I love her, I won't be afraid..."

Inhale.

Exhale.

"I am deeply relaxed. I become more relaxed with each breath I take."

_Seconds later_

The world was gone. Her body relaxed and soft. A pleasant tingle danced across her legs. Free of all worries and cares. Peaceful.

_I will tell Quinn I love her. I won't be afraid. I will tell Quinn I love her, I won't be afraid. I will tell Quinn I love her, I won't be afraid. I...will...tell..._

_Four more days..._

All would be right in the world. She could feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should also note that the method Rachel is using to meditate is taken from my own experiences meditating.


	2. Chapter 2

_Five days later_

"I will tell Quinn I love her, I won't be afraid. I will tell Quinn I love her, I won't be afraid. I will tell Quinn I love her, I won't be afraid." Rachel recited the mantra under her breath as she made her way across town to Quinn's apartment in Greenwich Village. She smiled as she made her way up the stairs to the street, the scent of coffee and cinnamon rolls filling her nostrils as she passed a nearby bakery.

"I will tell Quinn I love her, I won't be afraid. I will tell Quinn I love her, I won't be afraid." She felt light for some reason. Calm. Confident. She could do this.

 _Hm. Maybe those meditation sessions have been helping after all. I'm nervous, but not afraid,_ Rachel mused as she climbed the steps to the twelth floor of the building, not even realizing she hadn't bothered to take the elevator. A few more steps down the hall and...

She stopped outside door 12B and took a deep breath.

Here goes.

She knocked.

A few seconds passed and she heard the sound of shuffling behind the door. The door opened and Quinn's face lit up at the sight of her, the dirty baseball cap she was wearing turned backwards on her head.

"Rachel!" Rachel opened her arms and Quinn ran into them, giving her a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're here! I was just about to call you; I have to tell you all about my trip; you will not _believe_ what happened to me over...Rachel?"

"I missed you so much."

Quinn smiled. "I missed you too Babe."

"I missed your arms and the smell of your hair and your--"

"Body." Both women spoke in unison and Rachel could feel Quinn's laughter rumbling against her breasts. Her arms and legs, the softness of her skin. Rachel could have stayed in the embrace forever. But...

"Quinn, I have something to tell you." She took a step back, looking into her girlfriend's green eyes. "I...I'm...um..."

"Rach, what is it?" Quinn reached a hand out, cradling her face.

Rachel leaned into the hand and smiled.

_I will tell Quinn I love her. I won't be afraid._

She could do this. "I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for months. I just--"

"C'mere." Quinn gently took her by the chin, pulling her into a kiss. The pair kissed for several seconds before pulling away. "I'm in love with you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quinn's probably a bit out of character here, but I was tired of writing her as a bitch. I wanted to change that a bit and write her as someone who was a little warmer. And around Rachel, her walls probably come down anyway. :-)


End file.
